life goal: to enjoy a scene like this with a sound mind.
rainy cities are pretty cities.
It’s interesting that tonight, frustration is a color that looks good on me. In this limited life of mine, I never once felt secure in my own home, or even in my own thoughts . Even though I was sheltered, raised by parents, and had a seemingly great upbringing - I always felt rejected. On top of everything else I thought of myself, I had to deal with the constant stamps of disapproval I got from my family and colleagues. I was worth less than dirt. My lackluster appearance was always accompanied by the acceptance that I wasn’t pretty or skinny like those girls, by my talentless soul and my inability to achieve a 4.0 in academic affairs. Running in this race of life no longer became an ideal, but a chore. Thus by the time I was fifteen years wise, I achieved new heights of determination to move away from my hometown to at least attempt a new life where people knew nothing about me. Alas at eighteen, I moved away to pursue the higher education that I always thirsted for, I chose to go to a school of 40,000+ students with close to no familiar faces. To prepare for the event, I left all my baggage behind. Including but not limited to: the (best)friend that knew too much about me, the relationship I no longer hoped to renew, the parents that I always resented, the town that always left ill-fated memories, and the identity that always failed me. Although I still seasonally come back home, I am now much more spiritually and emotionally stable. In the last two years, I did a 180 on life. I dress differently, speak differently, and obviously act differently. I am more than content.
I confidently say, that I left the peers that used to stand by me in the dust. I may grasp for air at every waking minute, but at least I’ve gotten back on my feet to run in this race of life. Stamps of disapproval are still given now that I’m considered a sell-out, and someone that doesn’t acknowledge where they came from. I'm not sorry. I left my past in its dust because it weighed me down when I always wanted to fly high. My past was a dark abyss with scars that healed but wounds that never bothered to fade. I’m not a sorry loser that still complains about their parents, where they live, and the rotten people they’re surrounded by. Surround yourself with those who lift you higher. I’m soaring, while you’re sore from life. Not saying my life is perfect but at least I’m working on it, while others sit around and wait for their “fate” to change. At almost twenty, I support my own education without the needed dependency of my parents.
Bottom line. It may not seem like it, but I have always been humbled and thankful for the friends that stuck by my side and feel especially thankful for those that never left. However, to the friends that have the obnoxious inability to appreciate/change the life they hate, I pray that we get to meet in the future where we’re both on even grounds w/ the same passion for life.